Consultations (also referred to as clearing, coaching, mediation) v 9.27What's a communication consultation? What happens during a consultation? Why would I want to have a communication consultation? Types of consultations: Telephone, Face to face
or Zoom/Skype-like video
Fees Close your browser's window to return to the page you came from A consultation (also referred to as a consult, a clearing, coaching or mediation) is a three-hour session with a communication-skills consultant, a coach. It's similar in form to a session with a counselor or therapist;
the difference being, its foundation is communication-education (coaching) as opposed to
analysis, therapy, or trying to fix you.
Premise: "There is nothing wrong with
you. There are a few conversations you were supposed to have had
with your parents that you've yet to have, and, there have been thousands of
incidents that were not mutually satisfying—these (incompletes)
have yet to be acknowledged (completed) so as to disappear their affects on
present-day outcomes." —Kerry
A consult is for individuals, couples, families or small groups (usually up to ten
people). Larger groups and organizations are better served with longer sessions or a
workshop—so that everyone gets a chance to participate fully. Usually a consult participant brings a specific problem they want resolved. Sometimes couples or
business partners want to "improve" their communication skills. Sometimes parents are having
a specific discipline problem with a child. A communication consult is free of the implication that there is something mentally
wrong with a person; it carries none of the stigma sometimes associated with therapy,
nor must coaching be mentioned on job application/health forms. With communication coaching you give another, the
coach, permission to provide you with feedback about your
communications—a coach mirrors you for you. The coach guides you
sentence-by-sentence through to mutual satisfaction with each sentence for
a period of three-hours. The experience is unlike any other in life. When
communication takes place there is the experience of being gotten and
validated. Throughout the
3-hr conversation the coach will offer insights, corrections, and feedback in
support of an experience of open, honest, spontaneous,
and mutually satisfying communication. Most people say it transforms
their experience of communication; it's virtually impossible for a consult
to not have a powerful and beneficial
effect on your life and relationships. Most say that after a consultation the
coach (as though sitting on their shoulder) is with them for life; such is
the power of communication. As with Communication-Skills Workshops there
are no graduates—only life-long participants.
A consult or a workshop is an
experience of the transformative effects of communication and its
potential—a
brief experience of being willing to be supported in communicating
responsibly, from cause—zero blame—a truly exciting new curriculum.
Thereafter, for life, one can always tell when they have gone unconscious
and have been doing his/her imitation of communication—it removes blame
from the equation—never more a bully nor a victim. A consult is an opportunity to experience communication. Communication as used here is the exact opposite of talking. Talking is the activity
that generates and perpetuates unwanted problems, excuses, blaming, apologies, and more of the same
less-than-desirable results. Most participants report that they experience
a transformation in communication as a result of a consult. It is
experiential. Educators refer to the process as "discovery learning." Participants
automatically produce different results after a consult without having to
change or remember anything. A consult is not about learning new techniques, things to say, or changing
or stopping behaviors; participants report that they simply "know" things they
merely "understood" before. For example:
Understanding responsibility is as far from knowing as is not knowing.
Understanding why a child misbehaves causes the child to continue
misbehaving—this is considerably different than knowing you
have been causing (unconsciously intending) your child to misbehave—most
always
to teach you something about responsibility and communication. Another example: With therapy a client talks about his/her
problem and returns home, (often to the same abusive environment) perhaps feeling better but most often with the same problem.
Quite often there is an unconscious implied agreement between the therapist and client
that the client is
expected to have the exact same problem at the beginning of the next session. Between a communication-skills coach and participant the agreement is that both are
communicating with the intent to disappear problems. A coach does
not remain engaged in prolonged conversations with a person who intends on having the same
problem another 24-hours. I.e. "But I love her." "I can't leave
because of the children." "He promised that he wouldn't cheat again."
And, the biggie, "He promised to not hit me again." A consult participant grants permission to the coach to provide feedback. The premise:
The way an individual communicates creates specific types of problems,
actions, and reactions from others. Coaching allows one to be conscious of unconscious
abuses, errors and inaccuracies in ones communication model. That is to say, if someone keeps
communicating from the same ground of being, without coaching, they will continue creating
the same kinds of problems, for themselves and all with whom they relate. What happens when communication takes place is that there is an experience of satisfaction and
completion. A consult is about communicating openly, honestly, and spontaneously,
zero significant withholds. It's an
opportunity to be coached. The facilitator puts in feedback and correction in support of
everyone feeling good upon completion. A teacher committed to manifesting his/her stated
intentions has a coach on speed-dial (for life). I.e. "How do I
support Mrs. Jones (a parent) in honoring the homework agreement?" or,
"Something about the way I have been assigning homework causes some to not
do it." Anyone will get noticeable* value from a consult. A consult is a wonderful way to get clear about whether or not to stay married.
Few people are aware that they have been unconsciously masterminding a
divorce; once known, communications are appropriate without the
long drawn-out, usually
verbally abusive, drama. It's an excellent way to get to the source of an issue with a child (sickness, poor grades, or
behavior problems); it's a way to discover what it is about your
leadership-communication skills that causes thwarting. It's great for parents who use, or are seriously considering, corporal (spanking)
punishment as a solution. Spanking is what adults resort to when they've
lost (or never had) the
verbal skills to produce the desired results. All spankers are stuck in the
Adversarial Communication Model.
A spouse who enables abuse of their child is
as abusive
as his/her partner. It's great for an individual who frequently yells or creates another to yell in
a relationship. It's a great way to take a relationship to the next level, especially
from rudimentary high school sex to exquisite intercourse. It's extremely supportive of win-win divorce settlements
(eliminates or reduces attorney fees). It's an excellent thing to do if one is considering getting married; a
coach will
assist a couple in creating a communication model that models for them how to communicate
(therefore disappear) anger and upset. Most people dramatize (as opposed to communicate) anger, consequently it
gets dragged around for several minutes, hours, days, or even years. An
upset that lasts longer than 10 seconds is always about something else. It's an excellent way to clean up a messy or stuck relationship. The intention to clean
up a relationship is what does it; the consult is the actual conversations. It's an excellent way to discover if you
have been in-communication with your child, or, if perhaps you
have become stuck doing your
imitation of communication
with everyone. All parents of incidents such as Columbine, report
they had not known they were not in-communication with their
child. Consult participants usually report that the three-hour session is extremely powerful. Most
report that it transforms their experience of communication. * Others will
acknowledge that they experience/notice a positive difference. Many people choose to do a consult simply because they know things can be so much better if they could just communicate
"better" or, "If only he/she . . . then I . . ." Or, "I
know I love my partner but I'm not experiencing it." To go over the delivery of an important pending communication
(marriage proposal, asking for a raise, composing an important email, etc.). To get clear before making a big decision (getting married,
getting a divorce, having children, moving, changing jobs,
communicating a possible deal-breaking thought). To get to the source of a problem. To discover what it is about the
way you communicate that's producing less-than-desirable results. If your words are falling on deaf ears, "Do your homework," "Pick up
your clothes," "I'll see you at 7:00," in other words, if you aren't producing the desired
results it's never ever the other person. To clean up a mess you have created in your relationship with another. To get back into communication, or to
recreate your relationship, with your parents (they do not need
to be present). To responsibly
estrange oneself from an abusive
relationship. One of the givens in the consulting profession is: The problem is never ever what the client thinks it is. The mind hides the
cause of, the source of, a problem from itself. There are three ways to participate in a consultation. 2) Video Conference
Consultation A telephone consult is for people who live too far
from Pahoa (the Big Isle) Hawaii for a face-to-face consult to be practical; or,
for when
the expense of transportation and lodging to have the coach travel
off-island is a bit much. Consults, either face-to-face or via telephone/skype, are
three-hours long. You may make a telephone consultation appointment for just yourself or
for yourself with another. You must call from a corded (land-line) phone. If you are doing the consult with another you must have two corded phone instruments (cell/smart phones are
not allowed due to signal/sun radiation/location problems or possible battery failure). For couples, each person must be sitting in a
separate room not in view of each other. You may make
a conference call but it must be handled by you with the other person on
the line when you dial the coach. You will dial the call to a
1-808 (Hawaii area code)-(number). The coach will send you the number by email once the date
and time has
been agreed upon. The call will be charged to your phone bill by your phone company or
long distance provider as a typical long distance call. Skype must be
prearranged and tested. If your appointment is for yourself
alone you must ensure that others cannot overhear your conversation. This
is important. Do not attempt to do a consultation
with a child or baby in the house except that someone else can ensure zero
interruptions for you. American/British English must be your
native tongue (read
explanation). Face-to-Face Consultation:
Mondays - Fridays 9 a.m. - 12 noon or 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. A face-to-face consultation can take place on the Big
Island of Hawaii or, off-island—if
you're willing to pay the coach's first-class travel, car rental, and
2-night accommodation expenses (the consult is still free). Typically, a face-to face
consultation takes place at the coach's residence located in Pahoa,
Hawaii, or a local hotel, or an off-island
location. Hotel (three-star) reservations are made by the participant. Big Island residents may request a consultation at any hotel on either side of the island (Hilo or Kona).
Hotel and travel costs to Kona, and all off-island consultations, are paid for by
the participant. Video Conference Consultation:
Video chatting application (Skype, Zoom or VEsee), appointment and time-date, to be arranged) Consultations are free—donations accepted. Free coaching
consultation prerequisites: After completing the above prerequisites you may make an
Appointment for a free 3-hr consultation
(person-to-person, landline, or video-chat
such as Skype). When making an appointment from other than Hawaii Close your browser's window to return to the page you came from |