These
tips
support open, honest, spontaneous, and responsible communication
between couples—zero significant**
thoughts withheld.
Premise: If you are unwilling or
afraid to have these conversations with your intended-partner, then, your fear
is presently causing deceptions,
eventually infidelity and a divorce.
Virtually all divorced couples (yes all) simultaneously
withheld*** a significant thought from
each other on or before their very first date; neither had discovered the
correlation between personal integrity and outcomes. These deceits,
these perpetrations,
automatically served as barriers to recreating the experience of
communication. Withholders always magnetically attract withholders.
If you know that you're more honest with someone
else than you are with your intended, then the relationship will be
about you discovering the difference between talking and communicating,
specifically, the effects of non-verbal deceits.
* Consider these
tips to be gifts to you from the millions and millions of divorced
couples who, when they were exchanging vows, never dreamt that they
would divorce; individuals, perhaps like yourself, who couldn't conceive
that they would cause cheating to
take place or that they would end up VIOLENTLY verbally abusing their
loved one. Most likely those individuals would have refused to read
these tips.
** "significant"
meaning—a specific thought you consciously choose to withhold because
you know it will cause upset or
anger. Fleeting non-reoccurring thoughts are not withholds.
*** Among the withholds (some even on the
day of the wedding) are—last minute doubts about whether to go ahead
with the marriage. Am I making a mistake? What the hell am I doing? It
doesn't feel like real love. I like everything about him/her except . .
. . (insert here any thought that has not been shared verbally). Or, you
withheld the fact that you have herpes, or another DNA/health consideration,
or there was abuse in a prior relationship.
Or the biggie, "My family is
dysfunctional by any standard;
I know that it’s both abusive and
unethical to submit you and your parents to my family.
Note 1: An honest person will
share these considerations verbally so as complete them; a person
addicted to deceit, to being incomplete (to withholding thoughts), will
try to hide such thoughts.
The word "try" keeps to the front of the mind
the fact that one is always communicating their withholds non-verbally—your
partner doesn't know what's in the space, just that
the joy that's supposed to come from being
in-communication (in love) is not there. There is no experience
of integrity—something's missing or added, something is in the space.
Your withhold with your partner controls them,
it dooms them to little or no joy or ecstasy—it's referred to as
premeditated abuse.
Note 2: During the divorce
process most couples can't create an experience of love because
both have accumulated an
equal number of thoughts they've
withheld from each other. Thoughts such as; "My high school sweetheart
had mastered oral sex." "You're not my #10, my ideal partner." "Although
I say I like your silicone breasts—so as to not hurt your feelings—the
truth is they are too hard." "I hate having to vacuum the sheets each
morning because of your chest hair."
A thought withheld serves as a barrier to the
experience of communication, of love.
Gabby's Tip:You'll know you have a
supportable partner if they will accept your invitation to do
The Clearing
Process for Couples with you. If you are unwilling or afraid to
invite them then your fear dooms the relationship to mediocrity (you
will never ever be able to blame them for the relationship not working).
Reading this web page creates what's referred to as a fork in the road
for you. As Yogi Berra would say, "When you come to a fork in
the road, take it!"
The leadership-communication skills it takes to
have a successful marriage are the exact same skills it takes to have
your partner do clearings with you. Clearings take a
couple from rudimentary high school sex to an experience of exquisite
intercourse—of being one with each other. If you are hiding a thought
from your partner, your partner is also hiding an equally big one from
you; withholders always always attract withholders—there are no
exceptions to this
entanglement
phenomenon.